I thought ‘theatricality’ was a great theme for this week! I’m a big theater geek and I love to be over the top, so I was really happy that I had such a great theme to work with, and I love “Bad Romance”! Plus, we all knew the song, so it was easier to focus on the performance aspect and how best to deliver it. It was so much fun!
It sounds cheesy, but it was seriously a dream come true to work with Idina Menzel. She walked in the room and I forgot to breathe for a bit. I just couldn’t believe it was actually her! I became a performer because of Wicked, so she is literally the reason I got involved in theater in the first place. I saw the musical in seventh grade with my mother and as soon as “Defying Gravity” ended and the lights went up for intermission, I turned to her, pointed to the stage and said “I’m gonna do that one day.” I didn’t even know I could sing or perform at all, but I knew that I wanted nothing more than to be on a Broadway stage.
I was so disappointed when I didn’t win the homework assignment! I mean, who doesn’t want an hour of one-on-one time with Idina-freaking-Menzel? But Alex did really well so I’m happy for him, and the fact that I was one of Idina’s top four picks is enough of an honor in itself.
My favorite part of the music video shoot was that I got my first real kiss! I’d had a few stage kisses before, but they were very chaste puckered-fish-face kisses; this was crazy! I was so nervous! But he was a real sweetheart and that made it much easier on both of us through the takes. And what a way to get your first kiss: on a stage in front of your friends and a crowd of people, and you get to pretend it doesn’t matter and push the guy off of the stage? Best. Moment. Ever. The whole music video was so much fun, but I have very few memories as awesome as that whole kissing scene! To the wonderful Zach from Arizona: thanks for the best first (real) kiss ever!
My costume was a purple lace shirt with a matching pleated skirt and this super awesome beaded red bandeau over the top, all topped off with a pair of thigh high boots. I loved it! I have a very eclectic sense of fashion: I can be very hippy-tastic one day and totally modern the next, so I loved this fun little punk outfit. And my four-and-a-half-inch thigh-high boots. And my hair and makeup. I really felt like a rock star during the whole shoot: the world was at my feet, I had a boy toy to mess around with, and I looked fabulous all the while!
Though it was awesome to have my first real kiss on stage, I have to admit I was so nervous at first! But he was very sweet and understanding and I just went with it and played it like I was totally comfortable- that’s the name of the game. It was a great feeling and all the other contenders were cheering. What a moment! I was so happy I thought I’d die; and he told the girls I was a good kisser, so I couldn’t be more pleased with the whole experience!
On another note, I’ve gotten criticism from the mentors about my attitude. I think the first week I had an attitude problem because I was depressed that my voice was gone and I thought I was going to be sent home without getting the chance to prove myself. So I definitely deserved the attitude label that week. But I really do feel that this week I was much better. The contenders had asked me to be less negative, and I was really working at it. I feel I let Zach down in dance rehearsal, which is tough for me because I adore Zach and I’d never want to upset him, but I do believe he was right about my attitude: I’m so uncomfortable when I dance that I think it showed in terms of my approachability. However, I thought I did really well overall. I was working on showing my confidence and going back to being my usual more-positive self, and I think I made lots of progress. I really don’t think the other contenders understand me, which is hard for me to deal with because I’ve never had issues getting along with people before. We all felt isolated and the reality of how cut-throat the situation really was had only just occurred to us. Unintentionally, I think that the others were really looking for a scapegoat, someone whose problems they could focus on, someone who would cower under their criticisms and do what they asked. I don’t hold it against them now, I just wish I could have stood up for myself and let them know that their constant criticisms were really more hurtful than helpful. I felt very alone and detached and I should have let them know that sooner.
Click here to see pictures from the episode.